Bloody Rocks

1.  Presence Required

2.  Absence Noted

3.  Offence Taken

“MUMMMMEEEEE!!!!  MUMMMMMEEEEE!  I NEED A CUDDLE!”  Son 2 aged 2y 11m.  I left Son 1 aged 5y 11m in the Big Bed and went down to the Double Bed.  Little Cuteling.  I gave hime his cuddle. We snuggled down. He closed his eyes. I closed my eyes.  I opened my eyes. He was looking at me. “I lub you,” he whispered. “I love you too,” I said.  “Is it a Tweet day?”  “Yes,” I said. “Hurray!” he said, waving his arms.  On Saturday and Sunday Son 1 and Son 2 get some sweets after they’ve had their vitamin tablet and before they clean their teeth. Son 2 crosses “Treat” with “Sweet” and gets “Tweet.”  He also misses out the “S”s on the start of most of his words.  I’m sure it will come.

The boys watched their Robin Hood DVD.  Twice. They’d lost it yesterday.  Turned the place upside down looking for it. When I got home from The Office I was told all about it. I am the Mother. I knew the right questions to ask. “Son 2, do you know where Robin Hood is?”   ”No.” “Did you post it somewhere?” “Yes.” “Where did you post it?” “Under the telly.” Son 2 still posts everything. The Ghost And The Magnet  Crayons. Raisins. Coins. Fridge magnets. Toothbrushes are the worst. He posts them after he’s finished cleaning his teeth with them, so they’re covered in toddler spit and toothpaste.  Inbetween cupboards and walls. Down the cushions of chairs. Inbetween the bars of the gas fire.  Granny and Granddad turned up at about 0930.  I got on with the final part of Moving The Birthday Party.  Changing the bouncy castle. “Can’t you just have it without me,” said The Man. Oh no darling. We wouldn’t dream of your missing it.

I thought a trip across The River to look at the Castle would be an outing suitable for Grandparents and Small Boys. It was a disaster.  Son 1 and Son 2 were both incredibly tired, and had reduced me to a stropping, hissing wreck before we got out of The House.  They approved of the Ferry, although they both wanted to lie down on the seats in the cabin and go to sleep. Oops. The Man and I have clearly conditioned them to pass out as soon as they hear a boat engine.  On the other side of The River everything disintegrated. Full, nuclear paddies over sun cream.  Wasps zooming in on their pineapple juice. Son 2 screaming psychotically because he didn’t want to go in the buggy.  Son 1 creating because we only took the buggy and he was too tired to walk. The Castle was shut because it’s only open Sunday to Friday. We went down to The Beach. Granddad wouldn’t go down to the beach. He sat on a bench half way up.    Son 1 and I climbed over rocks and looked at shells. Then a voice from way back along the sands: “Isn’t anyone gonna help me?” Son 2. Awake and Up For It.  They both enjoyed climbing over the tumbled granite rocks. Son 1 was much faster than either Son 2 or me. “I just can’t get over these bloody rocks,” said Son 2.  “Who taught you to say that word?” I asked. “Son 1.” “And who taught you?” I asked Son 1. He pointed at me. Son 2 had the taste for it. “These bloody rocks. These bloody rocks.”  They both scrambled up a steep tricky bit. I stayed at the botton. “I ‘tuck!” yelled Son 2. “I can’t get down these bloody rocks!”   I helped.  We went to the sea and they played in the water.  Son 1 was excited because he skimmed his first stone.  Well, he threw it in the shallow sea so hard that it bounced back up again, but I wasn’t correcting them.  Off the beach their behaviour disintegrated again.  Granddad cared only about getting the Ferry back. He made us get an early one and we ended up at the other end of The Town and had to walk all the way back. Son 1 fell asleep in the buggy. Granddad pushed him. I carried Son 2 on my shoulders.  Granny and Granddad went back to the Hotel With The River View for a rest. The boys watched telly. I made tea. The boys had no pudding and no books for being so horrible earlier. By the time they’d finished tea they had no bath either. I had them both in bed at 7pm.

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