On Satday

1.  Green Eggs And Ham

2.  If I Ran The Zoo

3.  Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?

I do so love Son 1aged 6y 6m. But I can’t sleep with him. Well before 6am I was wakened by his little over-sharp nails and frondy fingers. Rub rub rub on my eyebrows.  Push push push on my eyelashes.  He doesn’t know he’s doing it. And it’s impossible to sleep through.  “Son 1, I want to sleep. Will you  please go downstairs and make your new Lego space ship?” “I’ve made it.” I’d put a new Lego box under his bed for him last night.  He’d been out of bed and down in the lounge making his little model before he’d come for his visit.  He went off with Son 2 aged 3y 3m, and I heard chatting, laughing, banging and wailing.  I went down just before 8.  Son 2 wanted egg for breakfast. An Office colleague has hens, and gave me eggs yesterday. Four brown ones, one green one and a blue one.  Son 2 wanted Green Eggs and Ham. He could have a Green Egg and ham, I said, but the ham would be pink. Son 2 wailed.  “I WAN’ GREEN EGGS AND HAM.”  He broke the green egg into a jug to make pancakes. That’s My Boys

I flew around to get us out of The House for 1000. We didn’t make it. As we left, the Nice Neighbours were sitting on the bench in their front garden. ”The Grandsons are inside, Son 1 and Son 2,” she said. “Do you want to go up and say ‘hello’ Son 1 and Son 2 ?” The boys vanished through their front door. I smiled serenely.  At last I got them in the car and we headed off to get School Friend. The party was at The Zoo A Matter Of Time and we had a great time. Pretty much the whole of Year 1 was there, with some siblings and friends. We were taken round some of the animals, and then everyone settled on a long table to do some colouring. Except Son 1 and his little friends, who ran around finding the treasure hunt pictures before they were supposed to. Soon all the boys were running round and round the table while the girls sat demurely.  There was lunch. Son 2 carefully chose one stick of cucumber and three Quavers.  There was a snake.  We all went to see the lemurs, and then the meerkats. And the playground. Eventually it was party bag time, and the friends dispersed. Son 1 and School Friend played with a classmate. Son 2, who played with her smaller sister, who’s in his Nursery group. In front of her mother, he stroked my bare shins. “Feel Mummy’s prickles. They’re really funny,” he laughed.  Son 1, Son 2, School Friend and I headed for the Big Slide for another little play. Party Father crossed our path, stopped dead and looked, white-faced at School Friend. “What’s School Friend doing? Is he with you?”  “Yes,” I said. ” We brought him.”  Poor old Party Father.Son 1, Son 2 and School Friend disappeared into The Maze. I kept Son 2 close, but had no control at all over Son 1 and School Friend. I stood, impotently, at the exit, calling Son 1’s name, hoping he would sooner or later emerge from the high hedges.  He did, with School Friend.  Then we were going to see the lions being fed. Only Son 1 loves a Maze, and wanted to vanishiwithin it again. Off they went. And I stood at the side, tapping my fingers. At the end of the visit we went to the shop. Son 2 chose a zebra-head grabber. School Friend a set of plastic otters. And Son 1 a Zoo notebook with a lion on the front. 

We went to School Friend’s house for a play. Benchmarking I had a cuppa with Mum and Dad. Son 1 and Son 2 ran off. School Friend and Family did not eat the dead new born lamb. They ate the near-grown lamb which was butting them and shagging its mother. i am pleased, and relieved to correct the record. “There wouldn’t be a lot of meat on this one,” said School Friend’s mother, feeding the four-day old abandoned lamb with a bottle. Son 1 and Son 2 fed it for a few miliseconds. Then Son 2 ran off to play with the Big Boys’ water bombs. And Son 1 went inside to play computer games. When we came to go, Son 1 disintegrated totally because he wanted to carry on with his game. Man alive he is a little SH1T when he’s tired.  I finally managed to get him back by putting him in the shower and then feeding him. He wrote up his adventures of the day in his new notebook. It is now his diary. ”On Satday,” it began.

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